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Who we are parents we know the challenge of raising our children and show them the path that we hope will lead them to become human beings with a good heart, satisfied and fulfilled with their lives.
However, no matter how good will we put into this attempt, we will invariably find ourselves making mistakes, many mistakes, mistakes of different types and dimensions; If it were not like that, raising a child would be a flat and predictable path and not full of surprises and unexpected curves that make us have to continually “recalculate” the route, which makes it infinitely more challenging and exciting. But do not worry. All mistakes can be 'fixed'. We offer you a list of parental mistakes that affect the personality of children and how to reverse them.
The first challenge and perhaps the most challenging consists of discovering that we are making a mistake and thus accept the need to take a turn at the wheel. Here are some of the most common mistakes that affect children's self-esteem and personality and how to reverse them:
1. Not spending quality time playing games, to listen to them or simply to observe and enjoy them. Solution? The more you know your children, the better communication and relationship you can have with them and the better relationship they have with you, the safer and happier children will be.
2. Reprimand them with negative adjectives towards their person that make them feel little accepted and raise doubts about their capabilities. "You are useless", "You are irresponsible", "You are rude." Solution? Instead we can refer to their behavior: "You showed a lot of carelessness and that's why it didn't work out", "You put aside your responsibilities", "The way you speak is really very rude."
3. Continually compare them with your siblings or with your friends. If we continually put them at a disadvantage with our comparisons, they will invariably feel and act on that expectation. Solution? Each child is different and we must learn to accept the style of each one.
4. Disqualify or downplay your emotions or opinions. Anything that our son shares with us deserves our full attention. Solution? We must ensure that he has the certainty that we care about what he feels or thinks about any situation that he considers relevant.
5. Use something they have told us to scold them. Sometimes our children share with us something that was not their own or that of a friend and our immediate reaction is to repress them for it; This causes them to doubt before they regain the confidence to tell us something and we may lose their confidence. Solution? We should first thank them for telling us and then gently explain why we think it is wrong.
6. Stop acknowledging their achievements or positive behaviors and always focus on what they are NOT doing well. That is why many children who seek attention fail to distinguish the importance we can give to positive behaviors and continue to repeat unacceptable behaviors. Solution? Trying to change our vision of everything our children do. Make an effort to prioritize and highlight what they do well and thank and congratulate them for doing so.
7. Use fear as a threat especially when they are small, generating in them beliefs and fears that we cannot stop later. Solution? We should never use fear or lies to stop behavior. Speaking the truth is always the best way.
8. Convey a negative view of life to them. It is very important to be attentive to the things we say or complain about, since they will absorb that information and their view of the world will be greatly affected by it. Solution? We must help them to always discover the positive side of things that happen and to be able to see them from various perspectives.
9. Overprotect them, do things for them, justify them, do not let them fail, avoid displeasure. All this generates dependent and insecure children. Solution? We must stay close, but let them with their own resources solve their problems and face the responsibilities of their age.
10. Exert excessive control over everything they do, not allowing them to choose on certain aspects in which they are ready to do so according to their age. Solution? As they grow, we must give them more freedom to make their own decisions on issues such as what clothes they want to wear, what they want to order in a restaurant, the gift they want to buy for their friend, etc. This will help to make them little by little more confident and independent.
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